The world’s out to get your laptops: Laptop blown away at Caffe Strada
Winds have picked up in Berkeley during the past few weeks, adding another layer of unpredictability to the already volatile weather. The weather has taken many dramatic turns, bouncing between roasting hot and freezing cold day by day, along with intermittent bursts of rain or even hail.
“Sometimes the bloody wind starts up again, and it seems to just drop 10 degrees,” said Berkeley resident Benjamin Sterling. “I really don’t need the weather to match my mood swings.”
The increasing winds have also led to other problems besides subjective temperature changes. On Friday afternoon, a student studying at Caffe Strada had their laptop blown away in a gust of wind.
“Well, I’m glad it wasn’t a laptop theft,” said Lt. Austin Oski of the Berkeley Police Department. “We’ve already had way too many of those.”
A string of laptop thefts occurred in January, when laptops were snatched from various cafes around Berkeley.
“Well, I’m honestly mildly relieved my laptop was only irreparably damaged,” the student said. “There would be all sorts of complicated security issues if it was stolen. This way, I might even have an easier time claiming insurance!”
Experts have confirmed that the unpredictable nature of Berkeley weather would classify this unfortunate loss as an “act of God” scenario under most insurance policies.
The laptop reportedly flew more than a block away before falling and shattering in the middle of the sidewalk off Haste Street.
Unconfirmed sources say nearby students were completely unfazed by the sudden small explosion of glass and metal, likely because of already being “completely done” with the semester.
No one was reported harmed in the incident.
“It was fortunate that the tables at Strada were already bolted down into the floor,” Oski said, referring to precautions put into place after a table was stolen in addition to a laptop in March. “Otherwise, the tables would have been in serious risk of flying away as well.”
At press time, the winds were reported to have picked up even more; the customers, and maybe even Strada itself, were at risk of being blown away as well.
The tables, of course, would be fine.
This is a satirical article written purely for entertainment purposes.
Contact Jonathan Lai at jlai@dailycal.org.